If It Needs Alcohol, Maybe It’s Just Boring?
Lately, I’ve been captivated by the stories of sobriety. They are profoundly moving—transformative journeys from being unable to live without alcohol to realizing one cannot live with it. These narratives reveal the extraordinary turns a life can take.
One intriguing pattern I've noticed in these accounts, and in the lives of sober people around me, is that once alcohol is removed, their preferred activities shift. It makes sense. I find myself enduring, and sometimes even enjoying, activities I wouldn't otherwise tolerate, mainly sitting around, because of the dulling effect of alcohol.
It might sound hypocritical and sanctimonious, but once you start seeing alcohol through this lens, places like bars, distilleries, or breweries can appear somewhat melancholic. Most of them are just variations on a theme: chairs, tables, music, and alcohol. I say this as someone who is working to cut back but has indulged more than most over the years.
Maybe sitting indoors for hours just isn't that appealing? For me, I don't crave a beer when I'm truly engaged in something—whether it's running, hiking, or playing pickleball. The social euphoria of sharing an active hobby, especially one that releases endorphins, far surpasses the fleeting highs of alcohol, not to mention its morning-after lows.
I feel strongly about this, but changing how I spend my free time requires effort. Well-intentioned social gatherings often mask the sitting and drinking component, which I’ll call S.A.D. "Let's get drinks" or "How about dinner?" is an easy, safe suggestion. The person you're asking has done it a hundred times before; there’s no vulnerability in proposing something unfamiliar.
Shifting away from S.A.D activities can be challenging, especially in urban areas where nature isn’t readily accessible. The text "let’s get [drinks/dinner]" is a common invite. It still excites me because it signifies a friend wanting to connect, but lately, I’ve been wishing for suggestions that involve something more engaging than just sitting and drinking. I need to become better at proposing non-S.A.D activities like hiking, kayaking, visiting museums, watching movies, or running when I'm the one making the invite.
While it's tough to change this dynamic with existing friends, it's surprisingly easy within activity-focused groups. I joined a run club, and drinking is far from the default activity. We get together, chat during the run, and then go our separate ways. A small percentage may grab coffee or drinks afterward, but I've found the conversations during the run to be more thoughtful, shared over a more rewarding activity.
I think many of us are too entrenched in the culture of S.A.D to abandon it completely without significant effort. However, moderation could go a long way. If you find yourself engaging in activities that would be boring without alcohol, try to be more mindful of what you’re actually doing. With time, you may be able to adjust your calendar to include more fulfilling activities and a little less S.A.D.